Where the Cooking is Done

Posted: November 29, 2013 in cooking, creative writing, Everyday Life, Humor, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Well, here we are on the day after Thanksgiving. I don’t know about you, but I’m full. We did the traditional dinner at our house, just my wife and I. She worked her butt off making the cranberry relish, pumpkin pie, roasted a small turkey in the rotisserie, homemade noodles and dressing. She fixed everything herself, she gets nervous with me in the kitchen. I tend to drop things, make a mess and make a lot of noise searching for the right pot or pan.

I’ve used this cooking technique for a very long time. I haven’t had to cook a meal since I figured this out. Time for supper? hungry? but nothing cooking in the kitchen. I just go in, spill something on the counter, rattle a few pots and pans and presto! “What the heck are you doing in there?, Here, just let me do it!” and before I know it, a great meal is created. She’s a very good cook.

She’s a very good cook, but since the kids have left, hates cooking. I sort of like cooking. But I think I would feel the same way as she if I had to do it all the time. So at the end of a big meal like yesterday, I do the dishes, pots and pans and all. What can I say, it softens my hands and really cleans the nails. And it is the least I can do after she fixes a great meal. And I sure as hell don’t want her to quit cookin’.

This method of mine is very smart, really. I read something 20 or 30 years ago that I took to heart. It was an article about marital trouble. It said that statistics show that husbands are murdered by their wives most in the kitchen and wives are murdered most by their husbands in the bedroom.  I don’t cook very much and I really don’t know very much about women but I do know my wife’s temper and I’ve always felt that I would be crazy to piss her off while in the kitchen, within reach of sharp knives and forks. Haven’t you always wondered why the woman of the house cooks in the comfort of the kitchen and you only see the men of the house cooking outdoors behind the house, out of sight on the grill. Men listen, it ain’t because you are such good cooks and honestly, I’ve tasted your grilled burgers and steaks, they aren’t that good. Your guests are just telling you they are cooked perfectly because you are giving them free beer and drinks. You are out there for two reasons, (1) Your wife is tired of cooking and (2) if you fucked up the kitchen as much as you are the Weber grill and patio, she would probably stab you by the closest sharp object. So don’t take that crap written all over your “chef’s apron” seriously, you really aren’t the world’s best chef. You are just char broiling good meat that would be much better done in the house in the kitchen in the proper pot or pan at the right temperature by your wife, just sayin’.

So, that’s why I know my place when it comes to cooking. And you are probably asking, “now what about the statistic about wives being murdered in the bedroom?”. Are you kidding? My wife reads this blog and she knows where the firearms are kept.

E.

 

 

 

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Comments
  1. most husbands are murdered by their wives in the kitchen? that explains a lot! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Like

  2. VERY interesting statistics! :-O

    I think it’s all about a partnership and helping where you can help. Or maybe it’s about a dictatorship and knowing when to jump.
    ???
    ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜€
    Sounds like you and your wife are doing great!
    HUGS!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  3. Definitely it is knowing when to jump. lol! I don’t know if those stats are still valid today, but I’m sticking with them if they keep me out of the kitchen. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Like

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