I’m having less and less to say. With age comes sweet calmness and confidence. I’ve made my mark, the mark has been to only live to an older age each year, to get to a point where it is unnecessary to prove my worth.

From the time that I first retrieved an out of reach hammer for my father to save him a few steps, I was made aware of my worth. He said “Thank you Partner !”. Although I was four years old, I realized I was worthy to be on his job site. I was not just a kid stumbling over the two by fours, open trenches and avoiding backing cement trucks. I was now contributing to the effort. I was now the official tool, nail and board getter for the boss. His Go-fer! My first job! After work that afternoon, at a tavern that I can still recall the smell and the song playing on the juke-box, I received a Coke, a bag of peanuts and a thank you for my labor that day. Yes, I have literally worked for peanuts and I have worked for “Peanuts” pretty much every day since. Don’t we all? Like Pavlov’s dog, my mouth still waters at the sound of Patsy Cline, the smell of stale smoke and big bust bar maids. Basically, I’m still working for very similar rewards.

Oh, the peanuts do come in a much bigger bag now. I soon learned that my labor was worth more than just the memory of a smell, cold drink and a pretty song. But unfortunately the alarm clock each morning means time for work and at the sound of it my mouth stays a little dryer now. Most of my years since in order to get those rewards have involved government certifications, exams and yearly performance reviews. Just being there with the right tool at the right time hasn’t always been enough. Every year we are evaluated to prove our worth.

For more years than I care to count, I have worked. Perhaps since I was four years old, certainly since I was fourteen when I received my social security card and filled out my first 1040 tax form. There is now little reason for more certifications and I know the system well enough that a yearly performance review entails little more than copying last year’s, a phone call from the boss and if we are in the same city at the right time, a conversation over a nice meal. My days of having to prove my worth are coming to an end. Just performing my jobs well now will suffice.

I think I have finally reached my mark. It won’t be long that the Pavlov’s bell on the alarm clock will be put on snooze much more often. And the sound of it will really mean breakfast, the breakfasts that I have missed so many times in the past because my saliva was not anxious for bacon and eggs but for proving my worth at work. I’m almost there. But soon I will be getting back to gauging my worth by the chill of the Coke, the sound of the music and the pleasure of talking to beautiful big bust barmaids.

Such is the life of John.

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Comments
  1. Yes! Love this ! And I find it beautiful, J.! Glad you are almost there! and will soon get back to those things! 🙂
    (I grew up listening to my Dad play Patsy and Hank, etc., so those songs/voices strike a deep emotional chord in me!)
    I always wanted to work hard, prove my worth, etc. Then one day I realized I could/should keep working hard, because that’s just who I am…but those who know me best and love me most don’t expect me to prove my worth to them…they just want me to be me…I am worthy. 🙂
    I think males and females approach their worth and purpose differently…the studies I did while I was teaching adult classes on relationships, parenting, etc., I found that men find their worth in their work, while women (even women with full-time careers) find their worth in home and children. Interesting. 🙂
    HUGS!!! 🙂
    PS…I got my SS card when I was fourteen, too! Before that, for years, I did babysitting, etc., but at fourteen I got my first job at a business where I got a paycheck. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Carolyn! I don’t normally listen to country music but if I hear the old songs, I’m right back to that time. I’ve heard that about worth, I think it is true. Give a young child praise for a job done and he’ll work for it the rest of his life. Fourteen seems to be the age to work for a check. 🙂
      Hope you had a great Whee-kend! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Do you remember what you got paid per hour at your first paycheck-job? I found some old check stubs recently from my first paycheck-job…I made a $1.25 an hour. I worked at that job all year round…after school until 6:30 p.m. and every Summer until I left home at age 17 to get out on my own and start college.
        I did have a great Whee-kend! 🙂 It just went by too fast!
        Hey, what are you doing up so late!?!?
        HUGS!!! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • Sounds like we are bro and sister by another mother. I got the glorious minimum wage of a buck and a quarter just like you. My work schedule was about the same as yours but a couple times a week I’d work until 8 or 830 pm. What did you work at?
          Oh, the Superbowl (waste of attention) put me behind, I wanted to watch the commercials ( waste of attention) I was working on my home project. But I went to bed right after I hit send. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        • I worked at a private school…it had a preschool, Kindergarten classes, and 1-3rd grade classes. I was only 14 when I started there, so I was hired as a teacher’s assistant. I worked most years with the 18 months to 3 year old kids. Sometimes in the Summers I worked with the 4-5 year olds. I loved that job! And the $$ I earned helped to put me through college. 🙂
          What is your home project?
          HUGS and Happy MoanDay!!! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        • I worked in a radio and tv repair shop and we also installed electrical wiring in new and old homes . I was making service calls repairing TVs before I had a drivers license. I would go to the pool hall and hire someone to drive me in our service van house to house. I was good at it. I also put up antennas on towers and buildings. The first new house that I electrical wired by myself, I was 16.

          My project right now is, I’m building an experimental aircraft.

          PS : Wow! you had a lot of responsibility at the school as a young girl, but what a great experience!! There was no reason for you to do any student teaching before you graduated college. No wonder you are such a great teacher.! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        • Wow! I’m impressed with your ability and brain to do all of that so young! Cool! 🙂 Way to go! 🙂
          Reminds me of kids today who are such whizzes at computers and repairing them, etc. 🙂
          WOWZA on building the experimental aircraft! Might you show pics of your progress some day?
          I’m so grateful for people like you in the world who can envision great things and the have the ability to accomplish them! 🙂
          I feel good when I do my artwork, or sew a quilt, or bake a cake, or write a poem…Ha! Not quite change-the-world abilities, but good none the less! 😉 😛
          Yes, looking back I’m amazed at the responsibility they gave a young teenage girl. Especially when they let me open (unlock) and close (lock up) so many times. I even had to set the alarm system, interact with the security company, call the police when we had break-ins, etc. I wasn’t scared being the first or last one in the building, but maybe I should have been.
          HUGS!!! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        • Yes, I look back at what people trusted me with at such a young age and I’m amazed , too. That was a different time and security wasn’t at the top of our thoughts while “locking up the shop”.
          I posted a few pics a few years ago on Xanga before we met. That blog is locked on private now and I can’t remove it. But I’ll post a couple pictures soon. It’s been a long project but fun and interesting. I hope to complete it this year.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Zakiah says:

    I loved reading this. So simple, so personal and so profound. Beautiful memories, with longing for a calm future. Great writing. 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Zakiah says:

    Sorry for the comma after ‘great!’ Seriously, great writing!

    Liked by 1 person

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